Encouraging our kids to strive to be their very best can seem like a smart approach to parenting. But this constant striving can lead to a mindset of perfectionism which often backfires and can result in:
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Ongoing disappointment
- Burnout
Kids and teens who feel constant pressure to meet impossibly high standards might feel like nothing is ever good enough… that they’re not good enough.
Signs of perfectionism may include:
- Extreme self-criticism
- Constant comparison to others
- Fear of failure
- Overworking
- Giving up to avoid feedback
What can you do?
These tips will help you to create an environment that supports healthy striving while avoiding messages of perfectionism:
1. Reframe expectations. Focus on progress, not perfection.
2. Challenge negative self-talk. Replace “I can’t do it right” with “Working hard is enough.”
3. Offer praise for effort, not just outcomes. Help them view mistakes as learning opportunities. Give examples of times you made mistakes too.
4. Validate their feelings. Say, “I know this is hard right now,” and encourage open discussions.
5. Check your own expectations. Don’t overinflate the value of grades.
6. Prioritize good self-care. Rest and relaxation boost creativity and well being for all family members.
Here’s to Your Well Being!
Maria Antoniou, LMFT
Licensed Therapist
